


Lucidity

by AI_Tori



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Betelgeuse, Betelguese - Freeform, Canon Compliant, During Canon, Elior Forest, Elves, Emilia - Freeform, Everyone is slothful, Flügel - Freeform, Fortuna - Freeform, Gen, Geuse tried, Guese, Half-Elves, Love, Petelgeuse insanity, Petelguese, Rezero - Freeform, Sanity versus Insanity, Sin Archbishop, Suffering, TOO MUCH LOVE, Vainglory, Vanity, Witch Cult, atrocities, more love, re:zero - Freeform, sloth - Freeform, very much love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29875470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AI_Tori/pseuds/AI_Tori
Summary: A man, brimming with insanity, has continued his onslaught of destruction for decades. But somewhere, buried deep inside, a sliver of sanity remains.Winner of the "Unthinkable Presents" short-form contest and also judge's pick.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Lucidity

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't believe I am able to put "winner" under this story. When I made it, I only wanted to write it for fun and see what happened. I am really thankful to everyone who already enjoyed it, and I hope everyone else who may give this a chance enjoys it as well.
> 
> Notice: So long as you are caught up to the end of episode 19 of season 2 or done with most of volume 14, then you need not fear spoilers here.

He couldn’t remember.

He couldn’t remember why he was laughing.

Those words. Those silver-tongued words.

What had the platinum devil spoken to him?

Whatever was said, his resolve to fight against it had all but vanished. The syrupy-sweet voice had easily moved his shattered heart and bent the fragmented remains to its will.

As snow crunched under his boots, and the snowstorm swaying his black-cloaked habit and dark-green hair subsided, a now broken man continued forth. Despite the excessively cold temperature, his body did not shiver. Though his bloodshot dark-grey eyes were filled with wild anticipation, his mind--frayed and frazzled from the recent tragedies that had befallen him--continued to twist and turn in turbulence.

Long, shimmering silk flowed from the head of the pale yet radiantly youthful woman walking the path alongside him. As the white permafrost powdered under her bare toes, and the single white cloth surrounding her seemingly delicate body swayed gently in the wind, she let out a small, amused hum.

This woman, Pandora, had stolen everything from him.  _ Everything. _

And yet, here he was, trailing her like a lost puppy.

What fool but he would agree to follow the whims of such a wicked being?

\--Truly, he had lost his mind.

But a voice deep, deep inside of his broken heart screamed out into the void, shouting and pleading. It curled its fists and banged on the back door of his fractured mind.

_ Let me out! _

He’d lost everything, including his own sanity, to the Authority of Sloth and this woman’s selfish, conniving, and cruel actions.

\--Yet, buried deep inside, a tiny sliver of lucidity remained.

\-----

“Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti. From today forth, I hereby deem you the Sin Archbishop of Sloth.”

With that title came a weighty responsibility, one which he never wanted in the first place.

“Here, this will guide you in your mission.”

A black book was placed into his hands.

“With this Gospel, bring about the Ordeal and your Love will be answered.”

Though simply put, the instructions were at once complex and vague.

Love?

Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love?

But who’s Love?

Who?

Who Who Who Who Who Who Who Who Who Who?

Quickly, his slender fingers flipped page after page in search of answers. The book wasn’t very clear in its meaning but, amongst the seemingly endless lines of text, one name easily stood out.

\--The Witch of Envy: Satella.

His Love was for  _ Fort _ \--

\--Who was that?

The tall, lanky man shook his head then nodded to the prismatic she-devil standing before him. “Yes, I understand. I understand understand understand!” As Petelgeuse held the Gospel up and proclaimed loudly, his crazed pupils widened and a broad smile formed, “This book--!! I shall follow this wonderful guidance you have so kindly bestowed upon me!”

“Ah, that is good to hear. Truly splendid. Love is such a beautiful thing, after all.”

_ You wouldn’t get it...! You wouldn’t know...! You wouldn’t understand...! _

_ Don’t speak like you understand what Love is!! _

A gentle, all-knowing smile crossed Pandora’s lips. Her empty blue eyes fluttered as she softly clasped her hands together. “Then I believe we are finished here.”

Before another word could be spoken, the woman’s presence was no more. It was as though she had simply never existed in the first place.

Left alone in the damp, dark cave, Petelgeuse allowed his back to press against craggy stone as he dropped, resting his knees to his chest. His bloodshot eyes darted down to the book in his hands, scanning each and every page.

An entire day passed as the man rolled over onto his side, not once tearing his dark-grey irises from the scripture. As he scanned the text, a war was taking place deep within his soul.

The tasks the book required for the Ordeal to take place were by and far completely against his morals. Even so, the new Petelgeuse had no qualms with that; he was more than ready to do anything in the name of Love. But Geuse, the small sliver of a person that once was, shouted and shouted, endlessly unheard.

_ No, I cannot do this! _

_ I must protect them! I must honor them! _

With that thought, Petelgeuse had to question what  _ them _ even meant.

Who was  _ them? _ Who had been  _ them? _

\--No matter.

Petelgeuse rose from the stone cavern floor and faced the shadowy black-robed figures surrounding him with a crazed yet welcoming grin. These people were wholly devoted to following his each and every word, no matter how egregious. Every single one of them stood at attention, awaiting their next order of business.

_ You fools! Do you not understand what this is all about!? _

One of the figures stepped forward.

_ No, don’t do this! If you do... If you do, then--!! _

Regardless of his internalized wishes, the lanky man bent forward and whispered to the devoted one. A few seconds later, the followers all bowed in unison and departed into the shadows.

With that, the first of many heinous acts committed by the Sin Archbishop of Sloth and his portion of the Witch Cult had been set in motion.

\-----

How much time had passed by, repeating the same things?

Months? Years?  _ Decades? _

Order after order had been issued, all in accordance with the Gospel’s scriptures. Though unclear of the true path, he could feel the Ordeal approaching with each and every step taken.

“Satella! Satellasatellasatella! Your Love will guide me, and for that, I shall give you my all!! My work, my diligence, my  _ everything _ is for YOU!”

Many villages had been destroyed; children separated from parents; guardsmen and innocents alike slaughtered. All in the name of this twisted Love.

Yet, somehow, Geuse continued to exist within his hollow shell. Like a spectator at a sporting event, the only thing the ex-clergyman could do was watch helplessly as his faction created chaos within the kingdom of Lugunica, all led by the maniacal individual now controlling his body.

_ Master Flugel, please forgive me. I...I simply wanted to protect them. If only I had been stronger, then I may have been able to handle this power. But I am a failure in every sense of the word; as a spirit and as a man. _

_ I have allowed things to turn out like this. Oh, how I wish I could go back... _

His true consciousness ebbed and flowed seemingly endlessly in eternal solitude while his body continued to be puppeted like a marionette by the Authority of Sloth’s twisted grip. No matter how much he attempted to fight back, only a tiny portion of his will would ever seep through. And, as the clock ticked by, his hold on reality grew slimmer and slimmer, until he began to forget what he’d even been fighting for in the first place.

\--Love. He was fighting for Love, right?

That was the only thing he could hold onto, and so he grasped it with all his might.

“Love!! Love Love Love Love Love!” proclaimed Petelgeuse as he dug the jagged nails of his right hand into his left arm, carving into the pale flesh. As blood dripped and drenched the ground, he shouted the single most important word in the world toward the heavens, as if anticipating an answer from beyond.

But no response was heard. No response was ever heard.

\-----

Another day, another ruined village.

Word had quickly spread across the kingdom of the Witch Cult’s activities. Yet, not even the strongest knights had been able to bring them down. Anyone who dared cross paths with Petelgeuse and his army of devout followers were swiftly dealt with and never heard from again.

Infamy followed him everywhere, but that only signaled that the direction defined by the Gospel had well and truly been followed correctly.

Recognizing the significance of the path he had been led, Petelgeuse opted to show his face in the next town. This time, instead of simply sending the cult to do all of the work, he wanted a hand in the action.

Accordingly with the issued orders, the cultists scoured the tiny village in search of  _ her _ \--or rather, anyone resembling a potential vessel for  _ her _ . All other non-essentials to the Ordeal were to be immediately discarded. And thus, any elves found were rounded up in the town square, while any and all others were swiftly slaughtered.

“Ah, yes. Yes yes yes!! Everyone is gathered here! That is good! Very very very very very good!! Then this will surely be an easy day for us all!” Petelgeuse walked a full circle around the square, scanning each and every individual for their potential of fitting in with the path dictated by his Gospel.

But, after several minutes of mortifying silence, he finally came to a stop.

“Ohhh? It appears none of you are of any use after all. Tsk tsk... That is just too bad.” With his head held high, the crazed man surveyed the fearful eyes of the many awaiting certain ruination. ”This will not do! This will not do!! This will not DO!!!” he declared with fervor before munching down on his fingers, mangling each and every one of them in his excitement.

Crimson poured from his tear ducts as he outstretched his arms and eagerly exclaimed for all to hear.

“Today I present to you true true true true true diligence at work, yes!”

As Petelgeuse shouted, the world seemingly began to crumble around him. Buildings, homes, anything within his path was immediately splintered and shattered to pieces. One by one, several of the remaining elves in the village were lifted toward the sky by unknowable means. A chorus of bones snapping filled the evening air as their bodies contorted like dish towels and blood rained down. As the massacre took place, he couldn’t help but cackle at the sheer chaos of it all.

_ No no no no no... _

That small part of him that remained aware began screaming from deep within.

_ Stop stop stop stop stop!! _

Petelgeuse bent backwards, clutching his head as he shouted, “My brain...trembles!!”

That brief instant of ostensibly lost control was met by something tightly grasping one of his legs. His bloodshot eyes darted down to meet fiery blue. And, in that instant, everything appeared to stop.

“...Ah, and what do we have here?” the madman questioned in an almost-sane tone, a grin slowly spreading across his pale features. The interference was quickly brought to eye-level by his unseen hands. Dangling mid-air before him was a tiny girl with long, wavy blond hair and pointy ears, her fragile frame adorning a simple white dress.

The quivering girl showed fierce determination as she yelled into his face, “Lea...Leave my friends alone!”

“Your friends? These people are your friends? Ah, what a wonderful thing! Beautiful!! Magnificent!!!”

_ Put her down! _

The voice buried deep within shouted into the reverberant void. It pushed and pushed on that internalized steel-frame door, attempting to force its way through to the open world.

“But let me tell you something. A little secret, if you will,” Petelgeuse whispered with childish glee before momentarily deepening his tone, “Your friends, they are all... _ slothful!! _ ”

As the young girl was raised further into the air, the madman laughed at her plight. And as he laughed, he failed to notice the blur of white that cut through the air, ripped the youth from his grasp, and rolled in the dirt.

Blinking twice, Petelgeuse turned to face the pointy-eared woman who had made an attempt to rescue the innocent child. She too had blond hair, though shorter and tied into a lower ponytail. Her clothing was nothing notable, simply a white tunic with brown shorts. As her black boots dug into the dirt, she protectively gripped the smaller girl’s hand and faced the cult leader with a resolute gaze, “I won’t let you harm her!”

_ This... This this this this this... _

Vivid memory overlapped present time. Geuse’s internal voice caught as he watched the scene unfold.

_ Fort-- _

_ For For For For For... _

Why could he never finish that word? That name? Who was that!?

Who’s name had been inscribed so deep into his soul, and yet, remained unspeakable!?

“Ahhh, what is this!? What is this!?!? What is this!?!?!?” Petelgeuse shouted, waving his arms by his sides. “You intend to protect the small one!? Ah, but I must admire such determination! Truly diligence! Truly Love! Truly truly truly truly truly!! This is it!! Love, Love, Love, Love Love!!”

As those words filled the night, though unseeable, the subtle  _ woom _ of movement around the lanky man could be heard. The two girls were quickly hoisted into the air together, high up into the sky.

_ Leave!! Them!! Alooooone!!! _

Shouting with all his might, Geuse pushed on that seemingly impenetrable door within his soul.

Though he remained unable to recite that once important name, he recognized the scene before him.

Even after one-hundred years, he would  _ never _ forget.

He knew very well how it ended. He knew very well how it would end. He’d stood back for far too long. He had to stop the Authority from suppressing him.

Now, he needed to make a stand.

He needed to step up and save these two!

\--And, just like that, the unseen hands retreated.

_ I... _

But, as the Authority’s powers ceased, the two were left to freefall.

_ I didn’t-- _

_ Thwump. _ The elven woman landed first, her skull crunching against a stone pathway. As her brain matter spread across the pavement and blood gushed out, drenching her once pristine shirt red, the young girl in her arms let out a shrill scream. The tiny blond, her dress now painted crimson, had somehow survived the impact of the fall with the woman acting as a cushion. To the very last second, she had aimed to protect.

_ I-I... I didn’t mean to-- _

“Amazing! Amazing, amazing, amazing!!” cheered Petelgeuse, “Truly a show of Love! She Loved you dearly and did her utmost to salvage your life! Indeed, I must respect such devotion! Such faith!! Such hope!!!”

As the madman cackled and raved, the small girl wiped the blood from her tear-strewn face. Unable to cope, she wrapped her arms around the woman and cried and cried, “Mother!!”

_ Snap _

Just like that, the laughing ceased. The once wild man stood stock-still. His crazed expression became flat as his dark-grey irises seemingly softened. Slowly, he held his hands outstretched as though attempting to reach for the tiny girl.

_ Control? I have...control!? _

In that brief moment of clarity, Geuse’s mind kicked into overdrive. With this control, might he at least find a way to spare the child? He failed to save  _ them _ in the past but, at this very moment, surely he could do  _ something! _

\--It’s what  _ she _ would have wanted, after all.

With no time for a plan and the potential loss of control looming at any second, his eyes darted left and right. There, in the distance, stood one of the members of the cult, most likely awaiting their next order. If he could instruct them to end this chaos, then maybe, at the very least, this girl may be spared.

With that in mind, Geuse hastily dragged his dirtied boots across the ground, a bloodied hand held forward as he attempted to reach the devout follower.

“You there! Listen, we--”

A flash of a blade severed the cloaked figure in half. There, standing before him, clad in a billowing white cape, was a knight. The chivalrous man reached up and pushed his lilac hair away from his eyes.

This was it. This was the end.

To the Sin Archbishop of Sloth, this would have been perceived as the beginning of a drawn out battle--a war of good and evil for the showering Love of the greatest Witch of all.

But, to the true inhabitant of that body--

Geuse dropped to his knees and raised his mangled hands into the air in a show of surrender.

_ Save her! Save everyone! Please! Just end this! _

Though he wanted to shout those words, his voice caught. Honest tears mixed with blood cascaded from his dark-grey eyes as he marveled at the heroic man who may rescue the young girl and finally put an end to his own misery.

“By appearance, you must be the leader of the Witch Cult, I presume.”

Meanwhile, the knight stared down the ex-clergyman with a cautious gaze. His amber eyes broke away for a moment to trail the battlefield in search of survivors, but found--

“You... You did all of this, and yet you immediately surrender upon my arrival?” the knight spoke apprehensively, his tone shaken with anger. The man scowled as he took a step forward, his crimson-stained sword pointed forward, “For your crimes, I will be detaining you, here and now. I have far too many questions to allow you to die just yet.”

_ Why... Why won’t he just kill me!? _

_ And...  _

_ Why isn’t he going to save-- _

With that thought, Geuse’s chest knotted as realization dawned. He slowly turned his head and, from the corner of his bloodied eyes, he saw it. The young girl, huddling close to her deceased mother, had something jutting from her back. Shimmering red; a cult dagger.

He was too late.

He was  _ always _ too late.

_ Always always always always always-- _

Suddenly, the world was enveloped in the sound of explosions. Whatever was left of the buildings and trees surrounding him were immediately brought crashing to the ground.

The guardsmen that had shown up were thrown about and haphazardly pelted and crushed by flying debris. Fresh blood mixed with recently dried blood, pooling into the dirt and stone. Even the stonewalk pavement split apart as the world crumbled away.

Seeing this, the lilac knight shouted to his fellow men-at-arms, “Fall back! There is no one left to save but yourselves! Do not be foolish here; this man is too dangerous to underestimate! We must regroup! Now, move!”

Immediately, any of the few surviving men that had come to the rescue hastily grabbed their land dragons and departed from the ruined village. As the knight, too, made his escape, his amber eyes watched the form of the heinous villain fade into the distance. “I swear by my name, Julius Juukulius, and by my honor as a knight, your reign of terror shall come to an end one day.”

Petelgeuse, his visibly crippled fingers clutching the top of his head, laughed maniacally as he repeatedly bashed his forehead into the dirt ground.

He laughed and laughed and laughed...   
  


\-----

Flash. Flash. Flash.

Flashes of what was. Flashes of memories. Flashes of the past.

Time trailed by, seemingly unchanging. Until one fateful day, a strange young man, Love flooding from his very being, stood before the Sin Archbishop of Sloth. The young man made a declaration, an offer to join the ranks of the Witch Cult as one of his Fingers.

\--But that was all just a farce.

Soon after, conflict ensued; a battle of life and death. His Fingers had been cut down one by one, leaving him no means of escape. Although he attempted to swap bodies with the Love-drenched man, even that ended in absolute failure.

And so, as though by prophecy, he found himself facing the man from  _ that day _ .

The only person perceived capable of bringing about his wishes.

The quasi-spirit knight Geuse had prayed so much would bring about an end to his anguish.

_ Please, spirit contractor! _

_ Kill me!!!!! _

A clash of strength, magic, and wits erupted, soon cornering Petelgeuse under his own Ul Dona spell. Just as the longing sanity within him had yearned for, the human body became crushed by the impact of falling boulders.

Black.

Pitch-black.

Geuse, quickly realizing his consciousness still remained, searched the empty void for any sign of an answer as to what was happening. His vision was hazy, clouded by a sea of endless black. Without a form, he could not move. Though he attempted to shout, no words could be heard.

Was he well and truly dead?

Then why would his conscious mind still remain?

Why was he--

Another flash brought reality reeling back in.

Galloping. Splintering. Heat-haze.

His dark-grey eyes opened wide, clarity within for but a split second.

This was it. This man--Natsuki Subaru--had nearly brought the villainous Sin Archbishop of Sloth, Petelgeuse, grinding to a halt. As the human body withered and his soul barely clung on, the crazed madman continued to shout nigh incoherently.

“It is not o-over!! It is not!! It is not o-overrrr!?”

Quickly grasping the situation, Geuse found himself readily countering the madman’s words.

_ It IS over! _

_ For the both of us!! _

Petelgeuse’s decaying body continued to cling to life, now missing his right arm and a portion of his right torso. The disgusting visage’s broken bones and pale, bloodied flesh had been cloaked entirely in contorted black shadowy hands, narrowly holding itself together as a fire ravaged its form. His habit just barely remained, now tied around the back of a dragon carriage barreling forward at a rapid speed.

Subaru, despite how monstrous a form the villain appeared, did not back down. He reached a hand into his pocket and shouted, “Your end is right here!”

As the young man retrieved and presented the Gospel--the scripture of Love once treasured dearly by the waning Petelgeuse--and the book was flipped to its final page, the single word in bloodied I-script grabbed onto the spirit’s true heart.

_ \--OVER. _

It really was over. It was ending.

This was the  _ ending _ .

Finally! The hundred years of torment. The hundred years of shame. The hundred years of the inability to stop the terrible, heinous acts of his present self. All the hatred he had for himself. All the pain built up inside his broken heart.

\--In that moment, all of it was to be cleansed.

With no control over his form anymore, the madman desperately grasped for the carriage. As even the black shadow of the unseen hands began to wither away, only enough breath remained to make one more sound--one final cry out to the pale blue sky.

“Natsuki Subaruuuuuuuu!!”

For just that single moment, Petelgeuse and Geuse were in sync.

\--One, a bellow of seething hatred.

\--And the other, a proclamation of absolute gratitude.

As mangled remains were ripped and torn, flesh simultaneously smashed and crushed under the wheel of the dragon carriage, an internalized voice, filled with absolute clarity, declared to the heavens.

_ Emilia! _

_ Fortuna! _

_ I...I-- _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


And thus, Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti was no more.


End file.
